Out of the ashes comes new life…
Three years ago today my best friend was killed in a gas explosion and fire at the restaurant where she worked.
Moments before the explosion she had stepped outside her work place to call me.
She had never reached out to me from work before.
I was driving in the mountains of Colorado when my phone rang. I was showing my daughter, Amber, around some of my old stomping grounds. We were looking for a place to park and I debated answering the phone or calling my friend Megan back later on.
Spirit said in a loud clear voice, “Answer the phone!”
Megan was distraught. “Something’s not right, Cat. I don’t want to be here. It feels like something is terribly wrong and I just want to go home.”
I encouraged her. I let her know it was going to get better. I promised to send good thoughts to her so she could finish her shift at work.
“I am so tempted to keep walking, and just go home. I’ve never felt this way before…I don’t want to go back into that place.”
I listened empathetically and pulled into a parking place outside a local restaurant high in the Rockies.
“Please send good mojo my way. I’m going to need it.”
“I will be sending to you. I promise. Call me after work when you get home.”
“Okay. I will. Thanks, and I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Amber and I ate our dinner and then as I got up to pay for our meal I felt a wave of love wash over me. I excused myself to the bathroom for I was feeling lightheaded and weak in the knees.
I grasped the edge of the counter at the sink in the women’s bathroom as I could barely stand for the force of something good. It was a feeling of bliss that was making me dizzy. I knew someone was sending to me.
I thought of Megan and tried to send mojo her way, as promised, but instead I heard her voice and felt her presence.
I looked into the mirror and I saw my reflection in a way I had never seen it before. I looked radiant. I was in awe looking at myself. I was truly looking more beautiful than I had ever seen myself before.
I heard a voice and it said as I gazed into the mirror, “I want you to see yourself as I see you.”
I was dumbstruck. The love was quickly replaced with an overwhelming grief.
I paid our bill and hurried out to the car so I could begin to bawl my eyes out. In that moment I did not yet know what was happening back in Kansas City.
But in my heart I had felt Megan’s spirit come to me, I had heard her voice, and now I was feeling the loss of her soul leaving.
I cried for several hours as Amber and I returned to our friends’ home back in Denver. Amber looked at me with concern as I was unable to contain my grief as we drove down the freeway. I tried to rationalize what was bothering me. We considered all the events that had recently happened, such as the hardship we had witnessed on Rosebud Reservation where we had recently spent time. We talked about Amber’s older sisters no longer traveling with us. We considered the fact that we did not know where we were going to live next, and the fact that I was unsure where I was to serve in the near future.
And as the tears continued to flow, we both had no conscious idea of the horrendous happenings in that moment in Kansas City.
Sometimes we grieve for others, and we do not know it. We feel the darkness and pain of something happening half way across the world, and we justify our tears are probably about some personal rejection or pain. We have no idea how connected we all are in our hearts…
Friends of mine later told stories of the pain and grief they felt when Megan passed, and they didn’t know her. But we are all connected.
Others felt called to send healing to the location of the fire, also not knowing why Spirit was moving them to do so.
So much has happened in the last three years, and throughout those three years something had been telling me to stop what I was doing. My guides were continually telling me, “You can’t keep doing it this way…It’s killing you.”
It took me quite some time, and a couple of lightning bolts, to surrender. When the lighting strikes – twice – you have to pay attention and do what the Voice is telling you to do.
I stopped. And I lost everything that I loved…for a time. The fire came into my life and burned away everything.
I did not just stand in the fire – I was the fire.
My youngest daughter, Amber, and I went for a walk yesterday outside Kansas City and came to some fields that had recently been burned. Amber and I felt called to walk out in the field and stand in the ashes.
As we kicked at the ground I felt an incredible connection. You could smell the fertile ground under the burnt char. There was an incredible energy that stirred my own creativity.
The fertile ground under the ashes was filled with new life ready to burst forth.
I am a new creation. I am not returning; I am just beginning. I am just being born.
Megan’s spirit is with me often. She returned to me in spirit months after she had passed and let me know she was going to help me find true happiness in this lifetime.
In order to find it, I had to lose everything. I had to let go of everything familiar and be willing to change.
We cling to the old. We find comfort in the familiar.
But in order to allow new growth, the old must be burned away.
I am living in Overland Park, Kansas and I am able to see you now. Call or email me to set up a private appointment.
My gifts are stronger and clearer. The High Council that brings the wisdom in and through me continue to work with me, only now I understand I am one of them. I am one of the wise ones but I am the one who volunteered to come into the physical this time.
Megan is still with me, and inspired me to share more of her story today.
When I am unhappy and trying to make something happen that I feel should happen, but isn’t really in my heart to do, Megan reminds me of that last day of her life.
“I didn’t walk away, but you can, Cat.”
Walk away from what isn’t right. Walk away from anything that feels like it isn’t in integrity. Walk away from unnecessary pain and walk toward your heart’s desire.
Ultimately Megan got to go home. And she is happy there.
And I am working from home now. And I am happy about that, too.
When Spirit asks you to let go, let go.
Do not be afraid of the fire. Let it burn.
And then see what remains deep in the ashes.
Because what remains is all you need to grow the life you have longed to live all along.
In love and peace,
Cat Reigning Elk